Another sorta quick post

Dec 9, 2012
3:46 am

Hey!

So its motzai shabbos, and I just got the urge to put up a quick update... 

My parents and I were by Yitzi (brother two spaces above me) for shabbos, while Chaim was on a Shabbaton with his yeshiva. 

Here's something you ought to know about my relationship with Yitzi: he used to be my *best* friend. 

He was the guy who would protect me from Chaim's temper tantrums, and helped me be sorta oblivious to the fact that my parents weren't happy. 

Whenever I would want to run away, he was the one who talked me out of it. 

He was my protector. He was my hero. 

But somehow, somewhy, he started being a total jerk to me these last few years. 

Since before he got married (5years ago) he has been treating me like dirt... Or less than that even. 

So this year, on Erev Yom Kippur, I called him and asked if he forgave me for anything I did.... Maybe that was the root of our problems? 

I got a yes, and I thought we'd be fine and dandy. 

Yeah right. 

His wife had a girl recently, and mommy bought her an undershirt that said "you think I'm cute? Wait till you see my aunt!" and had me give it to her. 

I thought it was adorable, and so (seemingly) did his wife, and then I asked him if he thought it was cute, and what did he say? "she's never going to wear that." and he walked out of the room. 

So when I heard we were going to them for shabbos, I steeled myself...

I still want to have a normal relationship with my sister-in-law and her kids, you know?

So everything was going well, except for two things: 

1- his older son was jumping on his younger brother, and so I called his name so he should stop.... To which Yitzi said "don't talk to my kids" or "leave my kids alone" or something like that. 

I was merely trying to get him to stop hurting the other guy! And he made it sound like I was trying to take over the parenting. 

So after that, he walked out of the room, and said "if your going to be annoying, don't expect me to want to invite you again"

To which I said "why would I want to come back"

This actually is weird because I don't remember exactly what he said or the exchange of words, and so I'm the one coming across as the jerk. 

2- I gave my opinion on something he mentioned in this week's parsha, and he immediately said "THAT'S APIKORSIS" 

(in case you don't know, Apikorsis is kinda athiesm, which is kinda one of the biggest sins out there... So yeah, blame me for being hurt.)

So I'm going to be writing him a letter asking him what horrible thing I did to Him to make him hate me so much. 

I'd confront him, but the last time I did, he said it is because I'm arrogant. 

At risk of sounding arrogant (ironically), I think I'm the least arrogant person out there!!!

It kinda REALLY hurt when he said that. 

So yeah, letter. 

Also, I need to make myself am appointment by a Gyn. (I've never mentioned to
His before because of the personal nature) 

I'm kinda freaking out , because I'm exhibiting symptoms of PCOS. 

I'm really scared. ;(

What if I have it?

Will I be able to have kids?

Will I be able to get married??

;(

Goodnight 

I hope to post again soon. 

Sarah Dina

4:14 am

Clothes, rain, shoes :D

10/28/12

12:23 PM

So I have a few minutes to jot something down, since two things that I had to do today were cancelled.

I was supposed to go on two separate trips to art museaums, but both of them were cancelled, due to the so-called "frankenstorm"

Frankenstorm? What?

Is it like, green with knobs on it's neck?

Ok, done with the fake ditziness... 

Great news:

I lost 40lbs!

I'm almost at my "50lbs, make a party" mark!

:D

I'm down around four sizes, to an 18. IM DOWN TO A SIZE LARGE

I never thought I'd see the day.

:D

anywhoos, I put almost everything I wanted from Chaim's 2Tb Hard drive onto my 1Tb Hard drive, and I was going good with size, but when I started converting all of my video files (wmv, avi, etc) to a format that can fit onto my iPad, (mp4), and all of a sudden I'm getting tight for space... Apparently the converter I'm using converts your files into bigger files when you say "conversion quality: same as original"

Yeah, whatever...

So now I'm trying to compress some of my files, but they're only compressing about 1% of the file. If it was originally 350Mb, it becomes 348.5Mb. I'm serious. 

I gotta search a way to compress more efficiently. 

yeah...

Oh, also I put on a whole bunch of comics... which I was hoping to read today during the 2 hours I was going to spend on the train, but nope, I'm just going to wait. :D

So since I lost a whole lot of weight, Mommy is letting me go on a shopping spree... the shoes I buy today are no limit prices, (after today will be a limit of $100)... now $100 may seem like a lot of money, but not when youre talking about two pairs of weekday shoes, one pair of shabbos shoes, and a pair of boots!

So I gotta finish up this entry and get shopping!

The clothes part will come up later... I will need to buy a whole new wardrobe... my old 2x clothes are making me look fat! :D

also, I seem to attract Mosquitos. 

They drive me nuts!

I currently have around 15 mosquito bites on my right leg alone. (three others spread across my body)

What is it that mosquitos find so appetizing about my blood? It's not like it's overly nutritious! 

So for a few minutes mommy and I thought that they might be Bedbug bites, but the fact that I saw a mosquito last night kinda clintched it for me. They're mosquito bites...

Anyway, I gotta go run and buy shoes before the rain starts.

Live long and prosper,

Sarah Dina

12:40 PM

Yom Kippur

9/27 4:50 am

Hey! This will be a quick post because life is really good. :D

Yesterday (today, for those of us still awake from the night) was Yom Kippur, and I B"H fasted pretty well. The davening in my shul was beyond beautiful, and I felt the tfilah deep in my heart.

You know which tfilah alway gets me? The Asarah Harugei Malchus. I think I cry every year. :'(

But anyway, I read the viduy in the back of my artscroll siddur whenever I had a free moment, and I feel like it really improved my davening.

Totty went to pick up Chaim from yeshiva today right after he broke his fast, Mommy ate here unstuffed cabbage from Erev Yom Kippur, and by the time Chaim and atotty got home, I had Macaroni ready.

Chaim made me his "award winning" recipe for macaroni and cheese (you don't want to know) and Totty took his own recipe.

Yeah, so this is what a slow news day looks like.

I think I have to go to sleep now. College tomorrow! :)

Gunfight, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!

Sarah Dina

4:56 am

Quick(ish) Post

9:35 PM 9/18/12

First of all, Happy 5773! 

Remember that old Country Yossi song (from his WANTED tape)? 

"In the year..." 

What was it again he said would happen in Tof Shin Ayin Gimmel? :D 

Anyway, this is going to be a quick post because I'm using the family computer because, major surprise, my computer died.

Well, way back in February, they told me it was in the process of dying, but i didn't really worry, and so here I am, no computer.

But, B"H, around Pesach time, I bought an iPad for my parents. Which I've since commandeered. They don't seem to mind much, since they're not exactly technologically inclined.

Looking over my posts from the past while, I realized that I didn't even mention the fact that I had the Lap-Band Surgery in February.

Yeah, so I had the Lap-Band surgery.

So far, I've lost about 30 lbs. I haven't lost so much recently because I haven't gone in for an adjustment for a while (long story... basically I'm not good with rescheduling when a doctor cancels on me... oops) and I'm kinda freaking out because my port area kind of hurts every once in a while. 

I need to call the doctor for an adjustment appointment, but I'm worried that he's going to tell me that my port moved out of place, and i'm going to need another surgery.

Oh, and another thing that is making me worry about that is the fact that I tried to get it adjusted by a doctor that was trained by him in the mountains, but he couldn't do it. So yeah, kinda nervous here.

Anyway, other than that, no real news... Besides for the fact that I'm not teaching this year anymore.

Yeah, they offered me another job, but I wanted to finish up my college ASAP. At this point I still need another two and a half years. 

Also, another new thing is that Chaim spent $1,400 in iTunes. I'm working on getting it back-

Wait, did she just say $1,400? That must be a typo. Nopes. He spent One Thousand, Four Hundred and Eight Dollars at my last calculation. 

How did that happen, you wonder? 

Well, he earned money this past summer from YouthCorps, and set up iTunes to take money from his card as opposed to my mothers, and then set up his card to warn him when he was down to $100 in his account. 

Good. Now the spending could start! He bought around $40 worth of in-app purchases a day, not realizing that somehow, his account was still linked to my mother's credit card. And so he kept spending, because he wasn't running his account low.

On Motzei Shabbos, my mother got a bill from the bank about an overdraft fee in one of her accounts (college tuition, don't worry, it's sorted), so logged into her account on the computer to see if anything else was happening. Boy was something happening!

She nearly blacked out. 

Thankfully, Chaim felt HORRIBLE. He was bawling about how sorry he was. (he's over 20 years old, btw)

I worked as a go-between and kept the two of them semi-calm.

I told my mother that this is a perfect opportunity to get him to get a job and settle down on something besides his computer, movies, games, and music. 

I told him that we can go through his DVDs and Games and put them up on Ebay to earn back some of the money. 

So far, minus the money he has left over from YouthCorps, he owes my mother $1,100. We're going over his DVDs tomorrow, and he's about to start looking for a job.

After all this was sorted out, I bought them both Ice Cream. :D

Oh, By the way, my father doesn't know any of this. 

Thankfully, he was away for shabbos. I say thankfully, because if he would have been present, we all would have been screaming and shouting and basically acting like the crazy family we haven't acted like for a really long time.

My mother is holding the "telling Totty" thing over Chaim's head though, in case he decides he doesn't want to get a job.

Life with an brother with aspergers is complicated. 

Oh, by the way, I'm currently dealing with iTunes to try to get some money back, and I think the woman I'm dealing with is actually going to help! :D BARUCH HA-SHEM!!!

but don't tell Chaim. Because if he knew, he may not want to get the job.

So yeah, I have to get back to working on sorting out the purchase numbers from his account. 

And do some of my homework for college. 

I'll scan in some for my next post hopefully.

Oh didn't I tell you?

I'm taking some art classes in college. 

anyway, i really have to go.

Sarah Dina

10:07 PM

Still alive, and abuse memories

4:21 am sep 14

So I just saw an old after-school special starring patty dukes and her real life son Sean Austin. (his first role)

It was called, don't hit me mom, and it was basically about Sean's babysitter realizing that his mother was abusing him. 

This episode was actually pretty poignant, because patty herself has admitted to abusing her son for real while she was in the throes of her mania (part of her manic-depressive illness.)

As I was watching the episode, I realized that I sympathized with patty's character more than the babysitter. 

I thought about it, and realized that it's actually because my mothers is a lot like that.

I posted a comment about that, and went on to see another, unrelated, after school special. 

However, I am now laying in bed awake because a lot of things that I'd forgotten have bubbled to the surface. 

I keep on hearing my mother screaming "you're crying?!? I'll give you a reason to cry!"

She would always do that when I was upset about something. She would say that what I was crying about was trivial and childish, and say that if I wanted a reason to cry, she'd give me one. And then she'd slap me. 

Here's the thing; I was a child, and so I was bothered by childish things. 

I've often wondered why I'm more mature than my peers. I just figured out that I had the immaturity smacked out of me. 

I remember one specific time when I was oversleeping (I did that often), and my mother screamed at me and yanked me out of bed by my hair. She claims that's she never did anything of the sort, but I even remember where she dragged me to.  It was the top of the stairs. She dragged me by my hair approximately 7 feet, and when she let me go, and I still wasn't standing up to show her I was awake, she kicked me. Again. And again. And again. 

My brother was also very physically abusive, but I know where he learned it from. 

I remember one specific time he was angry at me for something stupid like not knowing where one of his DVDs were, and I stupidly commented on it...

He ran across the room and pounced on me, choking me.  

I remember not being able to breath, but somehow getting a horse shout out, and my mother thankfully heard from downstairs. 

The craziest thing about it tho, is that I remember thinking "I could kick him and get him off me, but I don't want to hurt him"

Another time we had an issue was when he wanted to rewind a video we were watching and I wanted to fast forward. I reached over to press rewind for him on the VCR, but thinking that I was going to do fast forward, he grabbed my finger and snapped it back. 

It hurt so bad that I had to go to the doctor. 

Thankfully it hadn't been broken, only a pulled ligament. I had it in a splint for a week.

Another time he wanted to borrow my camera, and I was very protective of it. When I said he can't have it, he tackled me, and started punching me.

I remember going to school black and blue under my shirt. None of the teachers knew, because my face wasn't bruised. But I hurt so badly. Gosh I hurt. I remember thinking up reasons why I would have those bruises in case someone realized that I was tender there. 

But back to my mother...

I remember a lot of smacks. 

I remember having a raised outline of her hand on my arm from one of here smacks. It wasn't black and blue like in the movies,  but pink. Hardly darker than my skin. You'd have to look carefully to see it.

But either way, I wore a long sleeved shirt, so no one knew. 

I remember when I was having a hard time waking up one day (she was throwing a tantrum that I wasnt waking up, so I shut down. It was so much easier to pretend I was a robot who had turned off than react to her screaming)

But anyway, this time she decided to get me to react. She came into my room after hitting me a few times (I was still in bed.)

I had taken to looking at my keyboard that was leaning against my closet to stop from seeing or hearing her. 

But anyway, she realized that I was looking it it, so she grabbed it and threw it across the room. Shattering the base. 

I haven't really played much piano since. Not like I did before. 

But anyway, aftere she did that, she brought me an instant soup, and drove me to lakewood to spend time with my nieces and nephews to cheer me up. 

It worked, but  

I just don't understand why she did it.

The question that just entered my mind before I sat down to write this was "where we're all my siblings?" were they watching me get been up and not caring?

Or we're they on the receiving end too?

What about my father?

I know my mother claims he used to beat her, but I've never seen him lift a finger towards her. 

What if she hit him?

It's possible.

I really don't know. 

I really want to draw something right now to calm down. 

(I just heard my father cough downstairs. He's up early for slichos)

Anyway, my basic life update to come soon. 

But for now, yes, I am still alive. And apparently still a bit prone to getting upset. 

But I honestly was really good these last few months, which is why there have been no entries. 

Anyway, I'm going to sign off... If I remember anything else, I'll write it. It's been very cathartic to talk about this.

Goodnight,

Sara Dina 

4:51 am sept 14

Feeling Better

4/24
4:47 PM

So I said I would post again soon, and here I am.

I'm currently at work (after hours) waiting to go to college.

Unfortunately, my car completely broke down yesterday.

I went to the mechanic, and told him i thought there was something wrong with my battery, and so he checked it out.

He told me my battery was drained, and that I need a new one, which is $110. To which I thought "Ok, $110 I can afford.". He also said that I would eventually need a new A/C compressor (the cause of the weird noise and lack of air conditioning in my car, which would be over $500. I decided I'd push off the A/C compressor, because after all, I could live without an A/C.

Anyway, he comes back out a couple of minutes later, and told me that he put in a new battery, but it drained in record time, so there was something else wrong, and I would need a new Starter. Which would be $225. Bringing my eventual total up to $955. I was ready to faint.

A couple of minutes later, he comes out again and said that I wouldn't need a new starter, nor even a battery. I asked him jokingly, "I only need a new car, right?"

He said that the source of my issues was the A/C compressor, which was draining too much energy from my starter, and thus the battery. So my total was down to $550. There goes the iPad I wanted to buy for my parents! (which i decided against anyway, because it would only be a source of more conflict)

Anywho, I'm in a much better mood now, (thanks to the talk I had with my Therapist)

I am now setting boundaries between me and my mother. Instead of her asking me every second to do things, I am setting up a chore list, and dividing them. (Something I think she should have done since I was 3, but that's not the point)

Anywho, about today:

I gave my students a test today, which I told them 3 times about.

To my UTTER disbelief though, only two girls claimed to have heard of it. Even though just yesterday everyone was complaining to me about it.

Yeesh. I wish they could at least try!

Anyway, I'll see how all of them do, but I am still going to be counting the mark.

It just makes me feel so bad for them that they aren't trying. Because if they arent trying for a silly old science test, how can they try for the real things in life.

That's all for now!

Sarah Dina

5:01 PM

Cutting and crying

So apparently it shook me up more than i thought.

I cut myself five times on my leg, and had a long chat with Ruchi, in which SHE calmed me down. Our roles sure were switched!

Right now i'm calm, and pretty much back to my good old, cheerful, non-cutting self, but I spend 15 minutes bawling in the shower.

I'm really not ok.

It's just that I'm supposed to be the "normal" one in the family. I'm supposed to keep it all together. But all of a sudden, I'm walking around like a zombie, cutting myself (and enjoying it), and setting fire to a paper box.

Also, I talked to myself a bit.

Whatever. I need to go get a manicure tomorrow, also talk to a shadchan, without letting slip that my life is falling apart at the seams, and go to my therapist (i mentioned i go to a therapist, right?) and mention that i cut today.

I'm not supposed to be doing this.

And i know that if i mention it to Mommy, she's just going to blame Totty for it.

Even though he's the nice one here.

I mean, she spent all day today nagging me about doing things, while all i wanted was to calm down from the fact that i figured out that they're falling out. (did i not mention that they didn't tell me that he's sleeping downstairs?) My father came home, and we had a nice 5 minute chat about his day. Without me getting mad or yelling, (Which i did to my mother alot. I know, bad Sarah Dina).

It's just that my life is litterally falling apart and nothing i'm doing is keeping it together.

What else am i supposed to try?

I thought that i was fine with my parents splitting up, but i realized that the reason i havent been putting myself out there is to that they wont split up. After all, my mother kept saying a while ago that she's only staying around so that i can find a good guy.

But here's the thing. I don't want to drag some poor, unsuspecting guy into my family dysfunction. I want him to know what he's getting into.

Also, I'm tired.

I'm going to bed now...
I'll hopefully post again soon.

Goodnight.

Sarah Dina

1:35 AM

Im in a bit of a coma state

4/22/12
8:16 PM

So I haven't posted in a while because life was really good. I didn't really have much to talk about, besides for really good stuff...

But then thinks kinda fell apart. Or are falling apart. Or have been falling apart for a really long time and i've only just realized.

In short, my mother is making my father sleep in the basement.

I can't really even process it.

I spent most of my day sitting around watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The kicker? The first episode I watched was about the main character's heartbreaking breakup with her boyfriend.

I walked around like a zombie a bit, and set fire to a sodacan box in the basement sink. Yeah, I think I may kinda be a pyro-maniac.

So... More posts to come. Maybe even another one today. I just needed to get this whammo out there.

Well, the good part is, life can only get so bad till it has to get better, right?

Sara Dina

8:20 PM

Long Hiatus, but I'm back!

2/6/12
12:41 AM

So... It's been a very long while since I have posted anything, and here's my excuse: My computer battery died, I caught a REALLY bad sinus infection, and then it was Midwinter vacation, during which I was in good, warm Florida with Chaim... And then I procrastinated.

Yeah, so I admit it, I have a hard time keeping to a schedule in writing a diary (or in this case a blog).

I guess I just like writing when inspiration strikes. Which it has, thankfully.

So to elaborate, since my last post from January 1 (wow! has it been that long???), I had laryngitis, which a week later became a really horrible sinus infection, with a fever of up to 103 degrees. I was hardly able to move. But let me tell you, Amoxicillen is really a miracle medicine. I started taking it on a Thursday night, and we flew out to Florida on Monday morning, at which point I had a slightly raw nose (from blowing so much), but overall felt quite good!

So that leads me straight into the Vacation talk. Our flight was on the 23rd, at 11 AM. We left the house at 8, (Totty gave us $100 of "pocket money" when I mentioned I needed to find an ATM) got to the airport safely, went through security (they took my cream cheese!) and got to the gate with 2 hours to spare. As I said, better 2 hours early than 5 minutes late, no?

When it got closer to our boarding time, I took a look at the screens saying what gates which flights were, and found that we had walked to the opposite side of the terminal, because they had changed the gate. And boarding time. We were delayed 30 minutes, and we had to catch another plane an hour after our scheduled landing time. Eeeps.

Thankfully, we were actually allowed to take off, (they were saying that there were limited planes being allowed to land in Philadelphia (our stopover... $100 cheaper). It was quite an interesting flight, as it was a very small plane... and when I say very, I mean very. There was one stewardess, around 40 seats, and 35 passengers. At most. That's less than a coach bus! We also boarded from the tarmac, so I was feeling a bit weird. I really thought that they didn't do that anymore.

So the flight was kinda uneventful, besides for the itty-bitty fact of the (cute!) guy sitting next to me. He was wearing a sort of sweater/shirt, and was reading a romance novel. If I weren't Jewish, and actually thought I had a chance, I would probably had worked up the courage to say "hi"... but I'm SO glad I didn't. I stood up to the test.

Anyway, that wasn't even the most of it... I took out my book (LotR:RotK), and started reading. Around 15 minutes into the flight, I put down the book in the pocket of the seat in front of me, and see him take out his iPod. Being uber sneaky, I peeked at what he was typing. He wrote "Reflections on a flight: a short story," skipped a few lines, and then wrote "Ethelbert B. Cranford," which he then fixed to say "Crawford." When I saw that, I thought "Gosh, this guy has a really weird name!" and then my eyes slipped down to my book... on the top of it was stamped the name of the library I had taken it out of a few years ago... Ethelbert B. Crawford Public Library.

I seriously had to bite my lip to keep from laughing! He was doing the same thing I was! Taking sidelong glances at me while I wasn't looking! And I thought I wasn't interesting.

I wish I had said something, anything to him, to let him know I saw what he wrote. I am dead curious to know who he is, and what he was going to write. Because it's totally what I do! Open my iPod, and write down something random to be expanded upon in a story later on!

Oh, and he had a pocket-watch. Come on. How is that not awesome?!

*sigh*

Come on! Sarah Dina! You're a Frum girl!!! Stop thinking of that one goyish guy you saw on a plane! He may just have been anti-semitic!

Ok... I'll stop trying to fool myself. I'll always wonder who that guy was. If he was some well known author, or if he was just a regular joe-shmo (with a pocket-watch).

Anywho... we landed, and Chaim and I ran and caught a shuttle to the other terminal, where we were due to be quite soon after we landed. We missed the area of the shuttle, so had to double back, loosing even more time. We quickly disembarked the shuttle, and found our way to the gate, which was, oddly, empty! Suddenly, we heard the man by the gate ask, "Orlando?" We answered affirmatively, and he said that the plane was about to leave! Eeps!

We quickly ran down the boarding area, and found that we were going to have to check our bags, because the carry-on areas, as well as the flight, was full. We ran to our seats, (Chaim was sitting in the row behind me). Amazingly, the woman who was sitting next to me asked if we were together, and when I said yes, she offered to switch seats with Chaim so that we could sit together.

As soon as we both got settled in, the fasten seatbelts sign went on, and the stewardesses (and one steward) started going through the safety mime. (I always wonder whats going through their heads when they're doing it. "pick up fake seatbelt. click it in. Pull it out. Smile." Gosh... must be so monotonous.)

Amazingly, the person who was supposed to be sitting by the window in my row seemed to have missed the flight, and so Chaim and I had the row to ourselves! He put his hat down on the seat in middle, and halfway through the flight, we switched so that he could see the landing through the window.

It was a 3 hour flight, during which I mostly listened to my podcasts... We landed, and got off the plane to a BEAUTIFULLY warm Florida breeze! Even in the walkway into the terminal!

We got our luggage, and called a cab, only to be told that they had a stand there...

We walked a bit, and got a cab to our hotel, the Westgate Palace. The cab cost $44! (the cab driver automatically took a tip of $6, to make it $50)

It took a bit of a while to get to our room (because they were doing some "cosmetic surgery" to the front of the hotel, we had to find a roundabout way to get into the check-in area.) We checked in, I got our room keys, and we were ready to go! The man who brought up our luggage was really nice, but I only had one single in my wallet to tip him! (the cab driver rounded up his tip, remember?)

So we were in the Hotel Room at about 4:45. It was absolutely beautiful! There were two bedrooms with King sized beds. I wanted the room with the Jacuzzi. In fact, I called it, but I gave Chaim a chance to win it with Rock-paper-Scissors. I won, so I gave him a chance two out of three, which I won, and then gave him a chance three out of five... Which I won.

But I still let him have it. What in the world happened to be being assertive?

I guess major part of my vacation, which trumped a relaxing bath in a Jacuzzi was not fighting with Chaim.

So I had the room with the adjoining bathroom with the shower area. The bathroom itself was bigger than my bedroom at home. And as angry as I was about the Jacuzzi, I actually enjoyed the showers!

Anyway, I unpacked while he watched TV, and then we sat down and watched Evil Dead 2 with the commentary together. We ate a real "TV dinner" in front of the TV. I definitely don't think that it's the way to live, but when you're on vacation, go ahead and watch TV all day and eat your meals in front of it. Go on, enjoy yourself!

After we finished the movie and some channel flipping, we both settled into our respective rooms. I watched some FRIENDS on the TV in my room, and then fell asleep.

(The adventures continue in the next post! For now, I am going to sleep!!!)

Good Night!

Sarah Dina Schiff

1:33 AM

Computer breakdown!

1/1/12
6:05 PM

My computer is currently in critical condition. I don't know exactly what is wrong, but I know that I need a new battery. I just bought a new plug, and it's working pretty good... except for the fact that my battery is constantly at 0%.

So besides for that, I went to my High School's fundraiser, and ran into a person who I kinda look to for advice and things, and mentioned to him about the Lab-band, and he practically shouted at me in middle of the crowded room to "just shut my mouth," and I'd lose weight.

I love how people who aren't in my position go all judgmental and controlling. It happens to be that he's the main person pushing me to stay in Seminary.

Aaaargh! I feel like I'm going out of my mind!

Gotta shut my computer now because it feels quite warm... I don't want it to overheat. I can't need to buy anything more to repair it.

signing off for now,

6:13 PM

(this is being posted on a different date because I saved it as a draft instead of posting it)

Seminary Rant, 2012 Rant, and more!

1/4/12
7:32 PM

I don't understand why a girl can't decide not to go to Seminary without being considered a bad girl. I have a very busy schedule, what with teaching a Regents class to SERIOUSLY un-educated girls (they came in from Public Schools). Just today I was talking to my students about Nuclear Energy, and mentioned the Atom Bomb. I mentioned Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and I had one student ask me, "Is that Japanese?"

I was honestly shocked! Not one girl in my class knew what Hiroshima was! Only after some prodding did one 9th grader perk up and remember that the pilot of the Enola Gay didn't know what he was really doing. (She didn't say Enola Gay, and neither did I. Remember, these are Public School kids. They would immediately descend into laughter, as they did when I collected their reading comprehension homeworks on the planet Uranus.) I told her that they actually did know, and that that was an Legend. I gave them a Homework assignment to read about Hiroshima. I doubt anyone will actually read anything substantial. I am sure though, that they will find the plane's name.

Anyway, back to the Seminary issue. I'm very busy. I'm going to college. I'm going for a degree so I can support a learning boy. Why do I have to have a nervous breakdown for some preconceived notion of a "proper frum girl?" I'm very frum. I'm very strong in my beliefs. Granted, I watch movies. I see some TV. But going to Seminary isn't going to change that! Why do I need to pretend to be something I'm not.

Obviously, I'm worried that I, as a girl who watches movies, wont "click" with a "pure learning boy." But you know what? I refuse to worry about that at this point. I have tried to "quit" them quite a few times, and I will be trying again soon. Perhaps this Blog will help me stick to it. here's to hoping!!

Yeah... So that rant was in response to all the people trying to force me into staying in Seminary.

Now, life.

So it's 2012! The Mayans have yet to be proven wrong. We have one year to prove that the world wont end.

And here are three reasons about why no one should be going all crazy about the 2012 business.

1- How many times have people said "The world is ending!" and been proven wrong?

2- The Mayan Calender doesn't even end in 2012. It RESETS. As in the *Pattern* restarts. Not the world. The pattern. Kapeesh?

3- Since when do we depend on Mayan prophesies??????

Ok. So that's done.

I called and confirmed my appointment for the information session about the Lap band.

I'm just terrified. I refuse to pull back again, though.

Otherwise, I have recently become obsessed with the music of the late '30s, early '40s. Frank Sinatra specifically. Gosh, does that guy have a voice! Plus, the music is SO unlike what the non-jewish "music" is like now. (I listen to a bit. Only a few specific groups I know are clean and "not rocky")

I saw a really nice Record player + CD player + Tape Player on Ebay, and I'm seriously thinking of buying it... but I don't know exactly where I would fit it in my room. (It's quite small.) If I put my garbage-can under my desk, I can put a little stand to keep it on in it's place.

I'll have to see.

I also recently decided (after that conversation I had with my brother about dating) that I should focus on Sign Language Interpreting for now, putting Psychology as an "end goal," as opposed to complete overall stop-goal.

Now I really have to get back to work on a research paper I have due for college tomorrow.


Sarah Dina

8:28 PM