So I'm not formatting this one like the old ones.

Wow. It's been more than 3 years.

So much has changed. I guess you can read my Facebook if you're interested lol. Maybe I'll make an actual update later, but my phone is dying 

-

Sarah Dina

Random update again????

4/30/15

3:15 PM

UPDATE AGAIN A YEAR AND A HALF LATER

Well it seems like I’m only updating once a year or whatever.

But the point is hi

Hello people

Aka no one ever reads my blog

Update on my emotional life:

I am very much dealing with my depression with Prozac.

Pretty much when I posted the last post I was severely depressed to the point of writing and recording multiple suicide notes.

I wound up being scared into going to a psychiatrist by my therapist threatening to report me and get me admitted to an institution where I’d be force-given medication.

So I decided to go to a psychiatrist on my own.

I also found a job and moved out of my family’s home.

At this point in my life, I have moved up on the totem pole at work. I am earning a fair amount of money.

Also, I broke up with Ruchi.

I broke up with her last purim.

I moved back into my family’s basement last summer, just so I can save money, and I put up doors so I have some privacy from their craziness.

Um.

I paid my father back for my car?

I am happy.

That being said, there’s Ashley.

Ashley is Christian and she lives in Seattle.

I met her over the internet on Omegle.

I definitely had to fight with myself to not fall for her, seeing as I’m planning on settling down with a guy

Except not?

Sex is

Not interesting for me

No thank you, you know?

I don’t even know

Whatever.

I’ll sign off for now.

-

Sarah Dina

4/30/15

3:29 PM

WOW LOOK IT'S AN UPDATE

02/09/2014

5:24 PM

Hey

So 

Yeah

this is...

It's been a while

My life has changed a LOT

I know no one checks this blog, but it's interesting to have a record for in the future - kinda like my tumblr journal tag - when I could go through it and read what I was feeling.

So here's my life so far.

I left teaching. Did I mention that? I think I did. I honestly don't remember when I last posted and what happened since. 

But I'll just try and fill in the blanks. 

I left teaching, I got the Lap Band (but that was before the blog? Was it? Idek) I've lost 80ish lbs since I got it, so that's good...

I also am over halfway done my BA which is awesome.

My relationship with Yitzi has improved. A lot. 

It's not like we're best friends, or anything... But we talk a bit. This all kinda happened after a MAJOR fight my mother and I had while staying over by his house for sukkos - she threw a fit because I got offended when she suggested I should throw myself at boys in order to get a shidduch

YES SHIDDUCH UPDATES OKAY

I went out with two boys... One was quite amazing, and it's a shame he wasn't ready, and the other was a NIGHTMARE. 

Yeeesh, so many bad things went wrong. 

ANYWAY

DEPRESSION AND THINGS UPDATE

Remember that post when I cut?

Well, I started doing that semi-regularly.

Besides for forcing myself to throw up.

Idk. Things got really bad.

I cut a lot, and it got to the point where I (actually still have, but I) started keeping razors in my room - along with rubing alcohol to make sure that it doesn't get infected.

HOWEVER

I should say that I am cut free for around 4 months now? Maybe 5? I don't know.

Though I had a really bad funk recently that made me realize that HEY I'm slightly suicidal. 

Yups yups yups

I'm in talks to start medication, even though right now I'm not in a funk

Yeesh my life is so different than what it was a year ago (decemer 2012 was my last post, wasn't it?)

OKAY 

MORE STUFF

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEXUALITY

Apparently I'm bisexual

and I am currently going out with Ruchi

OMG I'M GOING OUT WITH RUCHI

Is that crazy, or what???

*flails*

Okay continuing on

I like her

a lot

I care for her so much, and I don't want her to suffer any more

oysh

OTHER THINGS

I kissed a girl and I liked it (I HATE THAT SONG BTW BECAUSE IT DEMEANS GIRL ON GIRL)

But I haven't yet kissed Ruchi... I was going to today, but we didn't get together because she was too tired (yay depression sleep schedules!)

But yeah

more things about me

I RP

A lot

and recently I started with omegalock which OMG DON'T GOOGLE IT YOU'RE GOING TO GET SUCKED INTO A WORLD OF SMUT AND KINK AND OH GOD I'M ADDICTED TO IT

also Sterek is starting to be a thing

Watching Teen Wolf.

I'm a shipper, what can I say?

OTHER THINGS

I can't think of anything else to say, really...

Except for the issue with my heart... Which I don't know what it is, but apparently I have palpitations or a murmur or something, and my cardiologist wants me to meet with a specialist (electrophiseologist) and it's freaking me out just a tad

but I DON'T want my mother involved because she just

drives me nuts

I can't have her take care of my medical issues because I'm just going to become dependant on her again and I CAN'T HAVE THAT

continuing

I don't know

Life

I may update again soon if I remember anything

Life is good now, though. Because I'm happy. Because of Ruchi

I just don't want to hurt her

Sara Dina 

539 PM

Another sorta quick post

Dec 9, 2012
3:46 am

Hey!

So its motzai shabbos, and I just got the urge to put up a quick update... 

My parents and I were by Yitzi (brother two spaces above me) for shabbos, while Chaim was on a Shabbaton with his yeshiva. 

Here's something you ought to know about my relationship with Yitzi: he used to be my *best* friend. 

He was the guy who would protect me from Chaim's temper tantrums, and helped me be sorta oblivious to the fact that my parents weren't happy. 

Whenever I would want to run away, he was the one who talked me out of it. 

He was my protector. He was my hero. 

But somehow, somewhy, he started being a total jerk to me these last few years. 

Since before he got married (5years ago) he has been treating me like dirt... Or less than that even. 

So this year, on Erev Yom Kippur, I called him and asked if he forgave me for anything I did.... Maybe that was the root of our problems? 

I got a yes, and I thought we'd be fine and dandy. 

Yeah right. 

His wife had a girl recently, and mommy bought her an undershirt that said "you think I'm cute? Wait till you see my aunt!" and had me give it to her. 

I thought it was adorable, and so (seemingly) did his wife, and then I asked him if he thought it was cute, and what did he say? "she's never going to wear that." and he walked out of the room. 

So when I heard we were going to them for shabbos, I steeled myself...

I still want to have a normal relationship with my sister-in-law and her kids, you know?

So everything was going well, except for two things: 

1- his older son was jumping on his younger brother, and so I called his name so he should stop.... To which Yitzi said "don't talk to my kids" or "leave my kids alone" or something like that. 

I was merely trying to get him to stop hurting the other guy! And he made it sound like I was trying to take over the parenting. 

So after that, he walked out of the room, and said "if your going to be annoying, don't expect me to want to invite you again"

To which I said "why would I want to come back"

This actually is weird because I don't remember exactly what he said or the exchange of words, and so I'm the one coming across as the jerk. 

2- I gave my opinion on something he mentioned in this week's parsha, and he immediately said "THAT'S APIKORSIS" 

(in case you don't know, Apikorsis is kinda athiesm, which is kinda one of the biggest sins out there... So yeah, blame me for being hurt.)

So I'm going to be writing him a letter asking him what horrible thing I did to Him to make him hate me so much. 

I'd confront him, but the last time I did, he said it is because I'm arrogant. 

At risk of sounding arrogant (ironically), I think I'm the least arrogant person out there!!!

It kinda REALLY hurt when he said that. 

So yeah, letter. 

Also, I need to make myself am appointment by a Gyn. (I've never mentioned to
His before because of the personal nature) 

I'm kinda freaking out , because I'm exhibiting symptoms of PCOS. 

I'm really scared. ;(

What if I have it?

Will I be able to have kids?

Will I be able to get married??

;(

Goodnight 

I hope to post again soon. 

Sarah Dina

4:14 am

Clothes, rain, shoes :D

10/28/12

12:23 PM

So I have a few minutes to jot something down, since two things that I had to do today were cancelled.

I was supposed to go on two separate trips to art museaums, but both of them were cancelled, due to the so-called "frankenstorm"

Frankenstorm? What?

Is it like, green with knobs on it's neck?

Ok, done with the fake ditziness... 

Great news:

I lost 40lbs!

I'm almost at my "50lbs, make a party" mark!

:D

I'm down around four sizes, to an 18. IM DOWN TO A SIZE LARGE

I never thought I'd see the day.

:D

anywhoos, I put almost everything I wanted from Chaim's 2Tb Hard drive onto my 1Tb Hard drive, and I was going good with size, but when I started converting all of my video files (wmv, avi, etc) to a format that can fit onto my iPad, (mp4), and all of a sudden I'm getting tight for space... Apparently the converter I'm using converts your files into bigger files when you say "conversion quality: same as original"

Yeah, whatever...

So now I'm trying to compress some of my files, but they're only compressing about 1% of the file. If it was originally 350Mb, it becomes 348.5Mb. I'm serious. 

I gotta search a way to compress more efficiently. 

yeah...

Oh, also I put on a whole bunch of comics... which I was hoping to read today during the 2 hours I was going to spend on the train, but nope, I'm just going to wait. :D

So since I lost a whole lot of weight, Mommy is letting me go on a shopping spree... the shoes I buy today are no limit prices, (after today will be a limit of $100)... now $100 may seem like a lot of money, but not when youre talking about two pairs of weekday shoes, one pair of shabbos shoes, and a pair of boots!

So I gotta finish up this entry and get shopping!

The clothes part will come up later... I will need to buy a whole new wardrobe... my old 2x clothes are making me look fat! :D

also, I seem to attract Mosquitos. 

They drive me nuts!

I currently have around 15 mosquito bites on my right leg alone. (three others spread across my body)

What is it that mosquitos find so appetizing about my blood? It's not like it's overly nutritious! 

So for a few minutes mommy and I thought that they might be Bedbug bites, but the fact that I saw a mosquito last night kinda clintched it for me. They're mosquito bites...

Anyway, I gotta go run and buy shoes before the rain starts.

Live long and prosper,

Sarah Dina

12:40 PM

Yom Kippur

9/27 4:50 am

Hey! This will be a quick post because life is really good. :D

Yesterday (today, for those of us still awake from the night) was Yom Kippur, and I B"H fasted pretty well. The davening in my shul was beyond beautiful, and I felt the tfilah deep in my heart.

You know which tfilah alway gets me? The Asarah Harugei Malchus. I think I cry every year. :'(

But anyway, I read the viduy in the back of my artscroll siddur whenever I had a free moment, and I feel like it really improved my davening.

Totty went to pick up Chaim from yeshiva today right after he broke his fast, Mommy ate here unstuffed cabbage from Erev Yom Kippur, and by the time Chaim and atotty got home, I had Macaroni ready.

Chaim made me his "award winning" recipe for macaroni and cheese (you don't want to know) and Totty took his own recipe.

Yeah, so this is what a slow news day looks like.

I think I have to go to sleep now. College tomorrow! :)

Gunfight, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!

Sarah Dina

4:56 am

Quick(ish) Post

9:35 PM 9/18/12

First of all, Happy 5773! 

Remember that old Country Yossi song (from his WANTED tape)? 

"In the year..." 

What was it again he said would happen in Tof Shin Ayin Gimmel? :D 

Anyway, this is going to be a quick post because I'm using the family computer because, major surprise, my computer died.

Well, way back in February, they told me it was in the process of dying, but i didn't really worry, and so here I am, no computer.

But, B"H, around Pesach time, I bought an iPad for my parents. Which I've since commandeered. They don't seem to mind much, since they're not exactly technologically inclined.

Looking over my posts from the past while, I realized that I didn't even mention the fact that I had the Lap-Band Surgery in February.

Yeah, so I had the Lap-Band surgery.

So far, I've lost about 30 lbs. I haven't lost so much recently because I haven't gone in for an adjustment for a while (long story... basically I'm not good with rescheduling when a doctor cancels on me... oops) and I'm kinda freaking out because my port area kind of hurts every once in a while. 

I need to call the doctor for an adjustment appointment, but I'm worried that he's going to tell me that my port moved out of place, and i'm going to need another surgery.

Oh, and another thing that is making me worry about that is the fact that I tried to get it adjusted by a doctor that was trained by him in the mountains, but he couldn't do it. So yeah, kinda nervous here.

Anyway, other than that, no real news... Besides for the fact that I'm not teaching this year anymore.

Yeah, they offered me another job, but I wanted to finish up my college ASAP. At this point I still need another two and a half years. 

Also, another new thing is that Chaim spent $1,400 in iTunes. I'm working on getting it back-

Wait, did she just say $1,400? That must be a typo. Nopes. He spent One Thousand, Four Hundred and Eight Dollars at my last calculation. 

How did that happen, you wonder? 

Well, he earned money this past summer from YouthCorps, and set up iTunes to take money from his card as opposed to my mothers, and then set up his card to warn him when he was down to $100 in his account. 

Good. Now the spending could start! He bought around $40 worth of in-app purchases a day, not realizing that somehow, his account was still linked to my mother's credit card. And so he kept spending, because he wasn't running his account low.

On Motzei Shabbos, my mother got a bill from the bank about an overdraft fee in one of her accounts (college tuition, don't worry, it's sorted), so logged into her account on the computer to see if anything else was happening. Boy was something happening!

She nearly blacked out. 

Thankfully, Chaim felt HORRIBLE. He was bawling about how sorry he was. (he's over 20 years old, btw)

I worked as a go-between and kept the two of them semi-calm.

I told my mother that this is a perfect opportunity to get him to get a job and settle down on something besides his computer, movies, games, and music. 

I told him that we can go through his DVDs and Games and put them up on Ebay to earn back some of the money. 

So far, minus the money he has left over from YouthCorps, he owes my mother $1,100. We're going over his DVDs tomorrow, and he's about to start looking for a job.

After all this was sorted out, I bought them both Ice Cream. :D

Oh, By the way, my father doesn't know any of this. 

Thankfully, he was away for shabbos. I say thankfully, because if he would have been present, we all would have been screaming and shouting and basically acting like the crazy family we haven't acted like for a really long time.

My mother is holding the "telling Totty" thing over Chaim's head though, in case he decides he doesn't want to get a job.

Life with an brother with aspergers is complicated. 

Oh, by the way, I'm currently dealing with iTunes to try to get some money back, and I think the woman I'm dealing with is actually going to help! :D BARUCH HA-SHEM!!!

but don't tell Chaim. Because if he knew, he may not want to get the job.

So yeah, I have to get back to working on sorting out the purchase numbers from his account. 

And do some of my homework for college. 

I'll scan in some for my next post hopefully.

Oh didn't I tell you?

I'm taking some art classes in college. 

anyway, i really have to go.

Sarah Dina

10:07 PM